Much Needed R&R

I have a thesis for my topic due on Wednesday, which should be easy enough because I have read half a dozen articles. I have yet to arrange an interview with anyone. This is a cry for help. If you or anyone you know is a member of a car club, please email me. I would like to interview you/your friend/relative for my research paper. Why did I choose car clubs? Well, when I searched academic databases for scholarly articles on car clubs, I found relatively little about it. There were plenty of car culture, and car customization, but not too many scholarly articles about car clubs in particular. I have curious, also, extremely curious about the fascination with car clubs. I've seen plenty riding around East Dallas, Pleasant Grove, North Dallas, and Oak Cliff but I don't know anyone personally who is a car club member or associates with any car club organization. I have a couple neighbors who are members of a car club but they have not responded back to me. I wonder if I seem like a creeper. I would hope not. Why would anyone want to investigate car culture and car club subculture?

On another note, I have been having strange dreams again. I suppose it has something to do with my lack of sleep that whenever I can sleep my body immediately jumps into deep sleep. I am currently investigating different sleep aids: natural, therapeutic, and medicinal to help me sleep better. I have found a combination that kind of works for me, it just takes a long time to kick in, and it has to be a daily routine or it does not work well.

Sunday was the last day of Damodar month, Rasa Purnima, and Tulasi Saligram vivaha. It was also Chandaneswar prabhu’s lunar birthday. We made pizza for lunch and had a quiet family dinner for prabhu. After dinner, we got ready quickly and headed to the temple for the festivities. Mother Sudantika usually conducts Tulasi Devi’s arati ceremony, and she eagerly took leadership of Tulasi Devi’s wedding arrangements. There was an energetic and lively kirtan for Vrinda Devi, circumambulation of the greenhouse, prayers, and then dozens of bhaktas watered Tulasi Devi. After everything, I was really exhausted but happily headed home with a feeling of rejuvenation and contentment.

Resolve

This blog post is directed mainly at  +Chandra Das but I'm posting it publicly because I want others to know what is going on lately and what I am thinking. I'm not really satisfied with the way I have been managing my time. I was exposed to extremely different lifestyles lately and got first hand experience, however; and I realized that in comparison to others, I was doing relatively well as far as productive activity goes.

There are a lot of people in this part of the world that believe "Time is money." As a youngster I very much disliked the phrase, feeling that only greedy and self-involved personalities were inclined to think this way. As I grew older and matured, I realised that Time, quite literally, is money and prevention is 90% of the cure and that the early bird really does get the worm and there is plenty of time to heal wounds but not to sit around doing nothing all day. So, I want to say that it's better to be be a little bit uptight about how you manage your time rather that sit around as if Time itself were waiting on you or complain about all the terrible things that happen to us in life, lamenting things that are out of one's control and thinking too much about solutions that will not manifest if we don't take matters into our own hands. Matters which could be easily resolved if one had some of his own resolve. As Srila BV Madhava Swami Maharaj would say, "You should have done yesterday."

Things that I want completed this year: I guess asking that my return to school go by effortlessly and without any struggle would be too much realistically but due to my naive and ideal mind I desire it even more.

I'm looking forward to re-dedicating ourselves to our health, education and general well-being. It may involve spiritual, emotional and other therapuetic methods and so bet it because that's better that sitting around and worrying about a tomorrow that may or may not come to pass. Particularly if it was something
we should have tackled yesterday. :P

Spiritual and ontological gaps and pitfalls are innately present within ISKCON and  present a  future danger to us and other devotees as well. We need to change our perspective in many ways and it may require us to do deeper research within our scriptural evidences to provide alternate avenues of action within Krishna Consciousness. We need more broad perspective and depth into Gaudiya philosophy rather that blindly accepting ISKCON idiom and mindset. Sometimes the advice to just chant Hare Krishna is not enough, what ever happened to the method of acquiring and accessing adhikaar? And advising or seeking advise accordingly? Why did Krishna ask Arjun to take direct action? Why did he bother instructing Arjun as to the many courses of action and their respective consequences or reactions? Maybe these are a few issues that are better directed at our spiritual masters but some are managerial. I'd like to take steps into analyzing these inherently structural problems and brainstorming for solutions that can be adapted by the general body of Vaishnavas.
I feel like I've held all this inside my brain, mind and heart for so many years and it has finally come bursting forth much like a gushing river mouth. I simply can not hold it any longer and, much like a river, I feel it is best to let her run with minimal interference. If my thoughts have overwhelmed you, please don't mind. I myself realise that like a baby calf learning to use her legs, I may not yet know how to walk but I have a good idea of where I'm headed and what I will do once I arrive. Once I get a running start, I will be unstoppable!

Hare Krishna.

Summer Break

These past couple of weeks have been hectic but enjoyable. Krishna Chandra is out of school and summer break is officially here. We had plans to visit New Orleans Temple and Murari Sevak Farm but it seems plans are changing every minute. There is talk of North Carolina and the pristine beaches therein, I might not even come back if the conditions are favorable! :)

Kefir is an unusual thing around here, not a lot of people know about it except for foreigners and health-conscious folk. The only available kefir here is kind of expensive, going about four dollars a quart at places like Whole Foods, never in my life did I imagine that kefir was simple to make at home, without any special methods or tools necessary. Last week a friend of the family very generously gave me some of his kefir grains and so I started making my own at home. I don't need anything except for glass or plastic utensils, most of which I already have-- we cook a lot! I've made several batches but I threw the first couple batches out. It takes a while for the grains to adjust so the kefir isn't exactly at its best quality though still drinkable. I tasted the first few batches and it was way too strong for me so I poured it outside. The last  few batches are getting better and better, eventually I'll have my ratios down and my health will be in a better place. Practice makes perfect!

This past week we were blessed with the association of great Vaishnavas-- Srila Giriraj Swami, Srila Rtadhvaja Swami and Srila BV Madhava Swami came through here one after another. It was like waves of nectar inundated the environment; one after another nectar waves crashed upon the shore leaving wonderfully beautiful memories behind! I had a break-through during one of Madhava prabhu's kirtans, I finally got a tiny, itty-bitty taste of the Holy Name and now I have a desire to explore the Holy Name more sincerely. 

An urgency has been aroused in me that I can not control; it's as if I have a hunger or craving for something delicious but unlike material indulgences, this deliciousness is ever-increasing and good for the soul. Please Krishna help me find the way to ruchi, bhava, and finally prema. Dear wish-fulfilling Vaishnavas, please bless and pray for this wretched soul that she may find her way to her desired goal! Oh dearest Bhakti-pradayini Devi! Srimati Vrinda Devi, please help me, I have no other shelter but You! You are the Goddess of my heart, the Mistress of my very life, please instruct me and guide me toward prema bhakti.

[sigh]

Practice Makes Perfection

Today I had a super busy day today, woke up early to practice and headed to the DMV; as it turns out I'll have to wait in line again tomorrow. I didn't eat a proper lunch and was so disappointed that we stopped in at a friends house to visit. After a short nap, I felt refreshed and my husband and I went shopping for groceries, went home, cooked and took prasad. He's finally sleeping now. I couldn't finish my apron as I had planned for today, hopefully tomorrow everything will be wrapped up and I can move on to the next phase: transferring Tulasi devi indoors, planning Krishna Chandra's birthday party and our annual trip to New Orleans Ratha Yatra. I can't wait for the trip, the party, festivals and Karttik end, though I have to say, my vows are something that I pleasantly look forward to each day. During pranayam and yoga in the early morning hours, I re-commit myself to each one and meditate on ways to release myself from material conditioning and attachment. Krishna is very merciful, when I am satisfied, I remember Him easily and continue my daily services pleasantly and when my mind is terribly disturbed by material nature and I find it increasingly unbearable to withstand another moment, I remember Him even more in that wretched weakness.

Giriraj is very charming and gorgeously dressed in His opulent silk outfits with lovely flower garlands hanging around His neck.

I uploaded photos of Giriraj for you all to take darshan.  I still have those garlands, I'm drying them out in my temple room now. I laughed really hard when Nitai Chand told me, "You see, even if you're not here you have to serve Giriraj somehow or other. If He wants seva from you, you can't escape it." as I arranged the flower vases, indicating as he so often does that Giriraj is very particular about his sevaks. I guess he's under the impression that I moved out in order to escape my service to Giriraj but he must know, deep inside, that I just hated living in that dilapidated old hole-in-the-wall. This place is much more structurally sound, though there is less privacy and interior space, I prefer it this way.

Sri Giri-Govardhan is always surrounded by lovely cows. 

Parting Words

My Dearest Heath,

Heath, Heath, Heath! Where have you gone to now? I can only speculate but I will pray earnestly that you find your way back home, back to the lotus feet of the Lord. Why did you have to enchant us with your witty jokes and charm? Now all I have left of you are conversations and memories of playful times. Wonderful times. You always knew how to make everyone laugh-- even the teachers would crack up! We were all drawn in by your magnetic personality; we couldn't help being drawn in just like bees towards honey. I wonder if you will be entertaining the angels and demigods in the heavenly planets? I imagine you will. Mostly, I wonder if I was a good enough friend to you or if you resented me. I never had the courage to ask you and simply bear the truth. Can I ever forgive myself for it? I don't know, man, but I will sure as hell try. Will you please forgive me and love me anyhow? Please, pray for us-- everyone you've left behind-- and offer us your blessings as you journey onward. Oh, and Heath, don't forget to write! : P Hehe.
We love you, Heath. We'll miss you immensely and never forget you! May the lotus feet of the Supremely Sweet Sri Krishna be upon you very soon. May Sri Radhe along with Her intimate maid-servants bestow Their blessings and love upon you.  Jaya Sri Radhe! Jaya Bhakti-pradayini Srimati Tulasi Devi, Vrinda Devi Maharani! Jaya Srila Prabhupada! Gauranga! Nityananda!  Hare Krishna!
Your friend,
 Madri devi dasi 

Merriment

Today we celebrated our spiritual master's, Srila Bhakti Charu Swami, Vyasa Puja ceremony at home with the help and kindness of a few friends and family. While it was a small program, it was incredibly sweet and fulfilling. We worked throughout the day preparing the prasadam feast, garlands, flowers, cleaning and arranging furniture. My hands were corroded from handling water and garlanding all morning but I enjoyed myself. By evening time, I was incredibly exhausted and ready to crash on the nearest cushioned surface, which just so happened to be the newly placed sofa-bed. I slept for several hours only to suddenly wake up at one a.m. to the call of nature and dying of thirst simultaneously. I drank too much soda, I should know better than that by now. Sheesh!
After Tulasi-arati this morning, Krishna Chandra circumambulated, offered water and obeisances to Srimati Tulasi Devi, then offered flowers to Srila Prabhupada (large painting) and Guru Maharaj (in a smaller, photographic form). He helped me by clipping the roses and leaves for me and placing them into a bowl of water to rinse while I strung two garlands-- a long one for Srila Prabhupada and another for Gurudev. I like remembering September 17 as both Srila Prabhupada's arrival in the West and Gurudev's birthday so I can commemorate them both on the same day... today is a very, very special day for me, for ISKCON. During the daytime, Purandar Acharya and Chandaneśwar prabhus cooked a nice feast, I started cleaning and rearranging furniture once my help was no longer needed in the kitchen.
My bedroom was really messy and untidy, even though I hate to admit it-- I'm glad Chandaneśwar prabhu kept pushing me to clear out the mess before the feast, that way the guests could sit in the room and relax on the couch if the living or dining rooms were too crowded. Unfortunately, I don't live in the mansion I'd like or have an enormous space for accommodating many, many Vaishnavas at once but I pray to Krishna that one day this will be the case. I still have a ridiculous amount of clothing, half of which must be cleared out of my closet... somehow or other. I guess I can always drop it off at the temple and hope someone can use it. I want to rid myself of all my old karmi clothes and start designing and sewing my new wardrobe. I have several fabric bolts sitting in my closet as I type, anxiously awaiting for proper engagement. They whisper sweet-nothings in my ear when no one else is around and the room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop. I wonder if anyone suspects my sewing insanity? I must finish other projects first though including a new Deity outfit in green and magenta pink I've been scheming. We'll see what happens next, it will all come to pass just as the Lord desires.

In the Morning...

I woke up to the most melodious and stirring singing... I couldn't help but jump out of bed and rush to hear this angelic voice in person. I rushed into the shower without hestitation, knowing full well that Maharaj had hot running water in the bathrooms. I was overjoyed, we had a fantastic room with Internet, DVDs for Krishna Chandra and indoor plumbing. It was like being back home in Dallas almost, except we were in the Holy Abode of Lord Jagannath. Chandaneswar prabhu offered to stay back in the room with Krishna Chandra while he slept and give me a chance to take darshan etc. As I approached the temple room I heard the sweetest voice of Krishna das prabhu becoming louder and louder. When I arrived, the prayers to Tulasi were being sung in a sweet melodious kirtan while Krishna das prabhu and his son, Tulasi das prabhu circumambulated Tulasi devi. The temple room was permeated with an intoxicating mood of sweetness and loving devotion. I have never been in such a place where the ambience was so saturated with prema. Literally, I could feel the atmosphere pressing against me, it was so rich was bhakti that you couldn't help but feel bliss. I didn't want to leave but knew it was only a matter of time before Krishna Chandra woke up. "Enjoy it while you still can, soak it up, girl." I was convinced that this moment was the best moment of my life.

At darshan time, Krishna das Prabhu opened the giant curtains to reveal the most dashing and gorgeous forms of Sri Sri Pancha-tattva., I was astounded at how beautifully detailed Their features were, Their lips, eyes, noses, hands, chest, everything. Standing before Their Lordships, I felt I had finally won Their audience in person and They glanced upon us with Their full mercy.
Eventually, Chandaneswar prabhu came down looking for me, surely he must've known I wouldn't have left on my own accord. I headed back to chant in the room and wait for my sona baba to wake up so I could get him bathed, dressed and fed. Around that time, Premananda prabhu arrived at the ashram and we happily greeted each other. We all took prasadam together and headed towards Tota Gopinath to start our darshan with Maharaj as our spiritual tour guide.

Guru and Disciple

This morning I ran across this purport while ingesting my daily dose of Prabhupda, it says, "Faith in the mode of darkness or ignorance is actually faithlessness. Sometimes people worship some demigod just to make money and then spend the money for recreation, ignoring the scriptural injunctions. Such ceremonial shows of religiosity are not accepted as genuine. They are all in the mode of darkness; they produce a demoniac mentality and do not benefit human society." from Bhagavad Gita chapter seventeen verse thirteen
It made me think carefully about how seriously we take Krishna Consciousness; although Srila Prabhupada makes an example of materialists' worship, it occurred to me that even as 'devotees' we choose to remain faithless by being spiritually complacent and ignorant to scriptural injunction. We deliberately cripple ourselves and remain on the neophyte platform simply out of laziness or insincerity. Literally we are crippling ourselves, sabotaging our own spiritual lives. Not only that, but even our own spiritual masters have become lazy and avoid asking their disciples' spiritual whereabouts; these few key questions are very telling of ones spiritual stability and potential but nowadays our gurus are dodging their own duties of questioning the disciple. Why? I think that not only have they become complacent but they are also afraid. Realising the disciples insincerity or duplicitousness, the guru will remain distant, maybe even fearful that the disciple will leave Krishna Consciousness altogether. In reality, this is a kind of spiritual blackmail, the demoniac mentality Prabhupada speaks of, "If you challenge me, I'll just leave your shelter completely." simply because the disciple consciously choses defiance. The guru has no choice but to remain silent. The only way to make progress in anything is to practice and keep challenging ourselves, this works best when an expert third party is involved to give honest feedback. I used to take private violin lessons and every lesson my teacher would first ask, "Did you practice? How much? Which ones? Do you like this one? Which ones are difficult for you?" and we would discuss any problems or questions I had. She was so keen, if I had neglected certain passages, scales or exercises, (I didn't like all of them) she would take notice immediately and chastise me for it. This is how everybody learns, we need a teacher who is not only competent but honest and patient with us.The guru plays an important role by accessing our spiritual capabilities and pushing us just a little outside our bounds. For this relationship to work, the disciple must also remain determined and surrendered to Guru, understanding that it is for one's own benefit, a scenario that these days is extremely rare. Extremely rare. I don't know why I'm going into all of this with you but if you are a disciple or guru or both, please consider your duties carefully and reconfirm your life to the spiritual master. Do your job properly! It is for your own welfare and the welfare of the entire universe. Sometimes we take it for granted but its important not to give up on guru, sadhu and sastra. Don't be a bad student. Don't be a bad teacher.

Tulasi Seva

Today was an incredibly beautiful day! When I left for Tulasi-seva this morning I didn't realise what kind of phenomenon was going to come my way. The birds were chirping away a beautiful song, the sun was beating down on my face and warming the soul, I wondered exactly what kind of mood I was in. Earlier, I didn't really feel like leaving the house because my son woke up early, my puja was delayed, I had to deal with a fussy three-year-old and thought, "I'm definitely sending prabhu to the temple this morning, its too early in the morning and I'm already having a bad day!" When my husband arrived, everything settled down quickly, Krishna Chandra took his bath and cried for a while (he doesn't like water in his eyes but daddy didn't realise it) then quickly got dressed and had breakfast. I finished up my duties at home and had time to sit and quickly paint alta on my feet. Strange, usually it takes forever to paint my alta, especially in the morning, but today everything flew by within minutes. I got my things together and left towards the temple. When I arrived in the pujari room, I noticed my plate was missing, as I looked around I spotted it sitting on the counter-top. Someone must have washed it and not put it away or simply left it there for the next pujari. I prepared my arati tray, flowers, garland, water and finally Tulasi Herself. We headed toward the Tulasi temple/greenhouse and I got on with my service, smiling away. I got the feeling that Tulasi Devi was urging me to keep today's maha-garland for someone. I don't usually give the garlands away (as sometimes I find them discarded carelessly, strewn about and flowers scattered everywhere later on in the day) so this was indeed strange behaviour. Later, after completing my tasks, I entered the prasadam hall and saw some devotees were still honoring the Lord's remnants, this was also strange, usually the hall is already empty upon my arrival, bereft of even a sound! I hurried to prepare a cup of halava for sona baba and lo, in the rush I had completely forgotten about the garland. As I walked down the hall, flower garland and sweet in hand, I kept thinking that I'd forgotten something. Realising that usually my hands were never full, I turned back and garlanded a mataji in the prasadam hall and told her, "I think this is for you." I merely assumed it must be for her because lets face it-- there is no way in hell that I'm going to garland a dude! :P