Summer Austerity

On Sunday we performed the final last rites ceremony, or tarpan, for Purandar Acharya prabhu's father. Usually, tarpan is celebrated exactly one year after the first shraddha ceremony; the begrieved are obligated to perform tarpan before they can celebrate any joyful rites or rituals in the family. Sundar Gopal prabhu flew in to town to perform the fire sacrifice, but the entire occasion took approximately two weeks' preparation. We had to collect and prepare all the items: ritual paraphernalia, offerings, and ingredients for the concluding pizza party.
Initially we decided that, since it is a private family ritual, we would only invite close friends or relatives. Word spread about the pizza party, however, and many uninvited guests showed up unexpectedly. It must have been Sri Kṛṣṇa's arrangement because some invited guests weren't able to attend. We ended up hosting a much larger party than we planned; more vaisnavara were received and served pizza prasadam.
The fire sacrifice was beautiful; I was very happy and relieved to perform this ritual finally. It signifies that we (extended family) are no longer in mourning, and that we can observe joyful festivals now.  We will have to wait approximately three months before we can do any celebratory samskars due to chaturmas, but hopefully we will have good news to announce soon. I don't want to jinx it so I wait until we are certain.

A Musing, Of Course

It's Trisprsa Mahadvadasi and Annada Ekadasi here in Radha Kalachandji Dham today, it is also His Holiness Gopal Krishna Goswami's Vyasa puja day. Our landlord, a disciple of Maharaj, wanted to do the program and feast today so early in the morning we all started pitching in our share of work to make it happen. He invited some god-brothers over to celebrate and soon the house was bustling with busy bees. Garlands, prasadam, arati, kirtan... it was all shaping up to be a nice program. Unfortunately, not everyone could make it this morning but we had a puspañjali and kirtan anyhow. There will be prasadam served again for dinner, I had so much at lunch that I can barely move. I photographed the maha-prasadam plate so you could all see how many preparations they made-- on Ekadasi, no less!

cauliflower paneer, samo seeds, palak paneer, plantain chips, watermelon, yams, fruit salad and 'regular' salad

 I wanted to post photographs of the Deities' new Janmastami outfits for you. Jagannath Baladev Subhadra and Baby Gopal got new outfits on Janmastami but I couldn't swing Gaura Nitai and Madan Gopal's in time. They should be finished by Radhastami.

Jagannath Baladev Subhadra and Ladhu Gopal in Their new ivory outfits

Plus, today I worked a few rows on the Elise shawl and took a photo to record my progress, she's at ten inches tall and fourteen inches wide. I'm excited about her.. the multiple personality scarf is.... well, a different story. I'm almost finished but I can't decide how long I really want her to be. Don't ask. 

 

Elise at fourteen inches

I've concluded that working anything finer than size three is inviting insanity or disaster or both, therefore, I will not be working anything in size ten crochet cotton ever again. Hopefully, I will remember this important vow in future incarnations, assuming that my next lifetimes will also be afflicted with crochet-addiction. I would tattoo this instruction to my arm (along with other useful information) but I know that it'd be useless. Utterly useless. 

Jagannather Lila

Lord Balaram with Gada

Today morning, Krishna Chandra offered his help and I accepted, even though he stubbornly refuses to shower in the morning, for peaceful relations purposes. I prepare the chandan and the Lords’ wash cloths for Krishna Chandra, he bathes and decorates Them while I prepare Their breakfast offering. When I returned with clean puja thali, he was still applying the chandan on Radha Raman and Banke Bihari when he yelped, “Oh, Mommy, did the Lord just blink? I saw it, They’re eyes just blinked at me!” My eyes widened as I remembered similar incidents with Their Lordships and asked, half skeptically, “Who blinked at you?” “They did. Them. They scared me.” as he gestured toward my two sets JBS deities. “Oh…” my voice trailed off and I stood there stunned, not knowing exactly what to say, “did Lord Jagannath scare you?” “Yeah,” laughingly “They really scared me. I think They’re trying to move. They want to talk to me.” Hmm… I still didn’t know what to say but I took his word for it; Jagannath Baladev Subhadra and I have a history of strange pastimes and I wondered exactly what was going on. Several times, crowns, turbans, jewelry, cups and spoons have moved, disappeared or been thrown from the altar… I suspect it was Jagannath but I can’t prove anything. Usually, Lord Baladev starts laughing hysterically like He’s having some kind of fit when I start interrogating Them about it while Jagannath remains utterly still and silent. I convince myself that I’m just hallucinating or losing my mind then dismiss the incidents. After this incident, Chandaneswar prabhu arrived and we were getting ready to pick flowers and perform Tulasi arati when Krishna Chandra approached me again, “Mommy, I can’t finish Their chandan.. I can’t handle Them easily. There are too many deities!” I asked him if he was frightened by Lord Jagannath, if that was the real reason he wanted to quit his service, “Nooo… I just can’t handle too many deities, its too hard.” I tried to finish up whatever he had left to do when I told Chandaneswar prabhu what happened earlier and to ask Krishna Chandra about it. I noticed everything was already finished, KC was little but fast; I only had to offer the fruits, flowers and water and do Tulasi puja.

Puja thali with fresh garden flowers 

Chandaneswar prabhu asked me what was for breakfast, “I was thinking to make either blueberry pancakes or kichuri, we still have a lot of blueberries left over...” He suggested kichuri would be better, I could make a jam with the berries since we had to stop by the market later this afternoon anyway, I could pick up some pectin at the same time. Great! Everything was settled and he started making kichuri while I did finished puja and Tulasi Maharani’s arati ceremony. During breakfast prasadam, we reminisced about Vrindavan kichuri, achar and dahi breakfasts. Shyamkunda prabhu joined us and talked about the superiority of Vrindavan kichuri over all other kichuris, “I don’t know why but Vrindavan kichuri always tastes… great.”  and his voice trailed off. I could tell he was deep in contemplation of Braja Dham. Then Chandaneswar prabhu brought up the kichuri festival of Govind Ghosh in Agradwip, West Bengal and retold the story of Gopinath and Govindo Ghosh. As Chandaneswar prabhu spoke, I noticed his body became covered in  goosebumps and the hairs on his limbs were standing up, as if he was immersed in an ecstatic emotion. I quickly looked back up and tried to ignore it when I caught Shyamkunda prabhu was also staring very deeply at Chandaneswar prabhu’s condition. I could tell Shyamkunda prabhu had also noticed the symptoms of ecstasy overwhelming his body, covering from the top of his head to waist area. 
If you ever find yourself in West Bengal, make your way to Agradwip for Govinda Ghosh’s disappearance day festival, when Lord Gopinath performs the pindo-daan and shraddha ceremony as if He were Govindo Ghosh’s own son and hear the full story behind this festival for yourself. There is a short version here at Srila Govinda Ghosh's Disappearance from ISKCON Desire Tree but you really have to hear about it in the Holy Dham for the full effect  ;)
Well, I received the new Back To Godhead magazine a few days back, so I have some reading to catch up on… but I did remember to take photographs this morning. You can see more  at Jagannather Lila album.

Busy bee-ing

This morning was Dvadasi, to break our fast we had kichuri in the morning. Purandar prabhu got up early in the morning to whip up a batch and offered before I was ready to even get out of bed! One of the perks of living with Bengali Vaishnavs is that they love to cook, especially on festival days, copious amounts of bhoga for the Lord, the downside being that a lot of the time, there is so much maha-prasadam left over that we can't finish it ourselves. I decided to go for something wholesome but not too heavy; I still had my yogurt and apple cider vinegar drink for a boost on my immune system. My throat has been a little sore and weak these past couple of days so I think I really needed it. Also, I experimented with the pickle spices and made a carrot and jalapeño pickle in mustard oil to go with that kichuri and alu bhaja. My latest idea was to leave the mixture out in the sun to cook (how they do in India) but I want my condiment now rather than in a week. I'm going to look around the Indian and Vietnamese market for good pickle ingredients like alma or kacha aam. I'm still not sure if I will ever find almaki, fresh, in USA but it is worth a good hunt. I remember finding green mangos at the Vietnamese market whenever my mom would take us up there but I haven't seen any in Dallas for a long time... maybe you know where I could get some alma or kacha aam in this town. Let me know, for sure.. cause I'm getting desperate.

Also, I'm working on a new project, a combination scarf of tunisian/afghan crochet and broomstick lace crochet. I really love these two stitches because they're beautiful and versatile, they're just so different from each other that I couldn't think of a way to combine the two. I love the density and texture of Afghan crochet but I also love the lacy, soft and pliable feel of Broomstick lace. Right now I'm experimenting with both stitches in this new lovely cotton scarf. I''ll take pictures and post them later, right now I have to get ready for the Sunday feast.. later!

Family Fun

Today, Krishna Chandra modeled my crochet mitts on his legs for Chandaneswar Prabhu and me; I wanted prabhu to see how silly he looked with my fingerless mitts on them. Originally, I crocheted mitts to keep my hands, wrists and arms warm in chilly rooms but fingerless so I could still play my violin and grasp things easily. Recently Krishna Chandra has been getting stiffness and pain in his legs at night, this I'm told is a family tradition on both sides of the family, so I let him wear them throughout the night. Amazingly, my son's legs are the same size as my arms so the gloves/mitts fit him perfectly; I think its funny that we're the same size... either he has really big legs or I have really small arms but I'm sure its a little bit of both. His heels fit perfectly into the thumb-hole and his little toes pop out of the top. Its silly so I wanted to share the photos I took this afternoon, it reminds me of the eighties' exercise legwarmers.



While we were having our little photo shoot, Chandaneswar prabhu cooked lunch for us, it was kind of like a little treat after our morning walk and everything. I was too tired to cook anyway, so it was nice to sit and play with Krishna Chandra during this time. He prepared a durum wheat pasta with almond-tahini sauce(rich, I know), salad, avocado basil sauce and it was all incredibly delicious. I'm attaching more photos for you guys to relish the beauty and blessing that is prasadam.



After offering everything to Their Lordships we had our lunch together then Chandaneswar prabhu went to bed. It was an lovely afternoon well-spent with Krishna Chandra, we watched videos of trucks, trucks and oh yeah... more trucks. I took a nap on the couch, the videos just weren't so interesting to me; my husband postulates that there is some kind of 'sleep' maya associated with this particular couch because whomever will lay on it immediately falls asleep. Strange. But I like it. :D

That is basically all I wanted to share for now. I have more photos from earlier this week and last week as well uploaded to the laptop but I haven't shared them as of yet. One is of a fly that met his death in a very interesting and, I think, very auspicious way as well. I will have to tell you the whole story for you guys to fully understand but you'll just have to wait for my next blog post. If you hear faint snickering its because I am. Am I leading you on? Oh hell yeah.

Tulasi Seva

Today was an incredibly beautiful day! When I left for Tulasi-seva this morning I didn't realise what kind of phenomenon was going to come my way. The birds were chirping away a beautiful song, the sun was beating down on my face and warming the soul, I wondered exactly what kind of mood I was in. Earlier, I didn't really feel like leaving the house because my son woke up early, my puja was delayed, I had to deal with a fussy three-year-old and thought, "I'm definitely sending prabhu to the temple this morning, its too early in the morning and I'm already having a bad day!" When my husband arrived, everything settled down quickly, Krishna Chandra took his bath and cried for a while (he doesn't like water in his eyes but daddy didn't realise it) then quickly got dressed and had breakfast. I finished up my duties at home and had time to sit and quickly paint alta on my feet. Strange, usually it takes forever to paint my alta, especially in the morning, but today everything flew by within minutes. I got my things together and left towards the temple. When I arrived in the pujari room, I noticed my plate was missing, as I looked around I spotted it sitting on the counter-top. Someone must have washed it and not put it away or simply left it there for the next pujari. I prepared my arati tray, flowers, garland, water and finally Tulasi Herself. We headed toward the Tulasi temple/greenhouse and I got on with my service, smiling away. I got the feeling that Tulasi Devi was urging me to keep today's maha-garland for someone. I don't usually give the garlands away (as sometimes I find them discarded carelessly, strewn about and flowers scattered everywhere later on in the day) so this was indeed strange behaviour. Later, after completing my tasks, I entered the prasadam hall and saw some devotees were still honoring the Lord's remnants, this was also strange, usually the hall is already empty upon my arrival, bereft of even a sound! I hurried to prepare a cup of halava for sona baba and lo, in the rush I had completely forgotten about the garland. As I walked down the hall, flower garland and sweet in hand, I kept thinking that I'd forgotten something. Realising that usually my hands were never full, I turned back and garlanded a mataji in the prasadam hall and told her, "I think this is for you." I merely assumed it must be for her because lets face it-- there is no way in hell that I'm going to garland a dude! :P

Cooking with Cassandra

Yesterday, Cassandra and I got dressed and decorated, and along with Krishna Chandra went to the temple to celebrate Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Prabhupada's Appearance Day. After kirtan, dancing and prasadam we went out on some errands and shopping. While we were at Newflower Farmers Market, she asked my husband and I to teach her cooking and recipes etc. Of course my husband jumped at the opportunity, we gathered some last minute supplies and headed home. Later, after arriving home we (mainly prabhu) coached her through dinner. I merely prepped(about ten mins.), making the puree and chopping the potatoes etc. She prepared a marvelous dish, chickpea and potato subji with fresh whole-wheat puris. For garnish you can add chopped green chiles and cilantro, I passed on the chiles! :D


After offering everything to Krishna, we sat down and took prasadam together, it was actually one of the best chickpea subjis I've ever had, of course she had a wonderful teacher too!

Oh, I wanted to add another photo of Cassandra's feet, sorry I won't put my own up because her feet look much better than mine. Earlier, before heading to the temple, we decorated our feet with alta.

Alta is a red dye that Bengali women wear on their feet; it is out-dated now but some ladies still wear it on special occassions. Actually, I was really surprised when Cassandra asked me to paint alta on her feet because usually women don't show any interest in traditional decoration and make-up.

Some realisations and depressions...

Okay I wanted to write in my blog about something but haven't anything in mind at the time. Let me ramble like this for a while, and see if anything comes up. Today, prabhu made gulab jamuns, we went to the market, registered the car, dropped the gulab jamuns at motel, Krishna Chandra threw a huge fit...a super huge fit, then I came home, prabhu 'honored' my crappy prasadam.... crappy prasadam, I mean really crappy. My cooking doesn't even compare by one iota to the delectable preparations that my prabhu offers to the Lord. Right now, I'm on the phone with my prabhu and talking about the movie 'Noise'. We don't have ghee wicks so prabhu is gonna make some more, he's gonna make for the temple too... I think prabhu does a lot of service for/at the temple, but I don't do anything for the temple. It's obvious that the Lord prefers his service over mine, he has been doing Tulasi puja in my stead for several weeks now. Sometimes that makes me feel really crappy and useless. I don't render any good service, everything I do is sloppy. Sometimes, I think that I don't 'do' enough and whatever I do isn't good enough. The time factor is my enemy. I don't think I get enough service time for myself. I want 'me' time; I want to spend more time doing my own projects and forgetting about the outside world. I could sew outfits and make jewelry, cook rich, elaborate bhoga for Gopal... I dunno... it's not enough, 24 hours isn't enough. Opportunistic people.... God, I can't stand them. When someone tries to take advantage of you when they know you are down and out... what kind of cruel person do you have to be? That is one feeling that I can't escape, this nagging feeling that everyone wants to use me and my husband; nobody asks us how we are doing, nobody is our well-wisher or friend. Everyone wants to just take advantage of our, well... not my, but my husband's generosity and inherently good-nature. He has trouble saying no and turning people down, especially when it comes to devotional service. That's just his nature, very gentle and very tolerant. He totally pisses me off.. I wish I could be more like him but I'm just a reckless slob. The whole thing is depressing, disappointing and disillusioning. Maybe I should not discuss this too much, I get in a terrible mood and I know how I get when I'm in a terrible mood. When these feelings overwhelm my mind, I think I should give up and live alone in the god damn wilderness somewhere, where nobody but the wild beasts know I exist. I wonder how would that be? That reminds me, one time Vakresvara Pundit prabhu gave a class about this, he mentioned that when someone says "I just want to be alone." that it is only Maya. In fact he is right, it is an illusion to think we can find 'peace' in the material world, or that by remaining isolated we will be happy. I agree wholeheartedly, the liberation of the brahmajyoti is like that, you are 'liberated' in the Lord's effulgence but in total isolation. Regardless of the fact that one is liberated, still one hankers for some kind of association, it is nearly impossible to remain happy in that kind of situation. That is why everyone "falls down" from that position yet again. It's been my understanding that the material world is a completely and utterly useless and depressing place since I was a very little girl. At least five years old... I remember thinking very clearly that the material world was completely vacant and hollow, I wanted out. Immediately. I prayed for some answer, "Why am I here? What did I do wrong? Why am I suffering?" That same frustration still haunts me to this very day.. who can escape the pangs of material suffering? I actually enjoy my thought process, however daunting and depressing it may seem, because in the bigger scheme of things you find real happiness. Eternal happiness, joy, bliss... no more suffering, no more distress. Some people think that this train of thinking is depressing and that one must rid oneself of it immediately but that is not the right solution. The material world is designed to keep your dreams just slightly out of reach. You're always endeavoring for more and never happy with whatever you have. You can liken the material world to chasing after a mirage or an ass chasing a dangling carrot before his eyes. You can keep on trying but you will never taste the results, you may even go mad before you reach your final destination. The material world is a good place for purifying oneself of sinful habits and tastes. You keep seeing the ray of light at the end of the tunnel but just when you think it's going to get better, it gets worse. Finally one will give up and ask, "What's the point? Why am I endeavoring like this? Where is the Supreme Lord? How can I escape the material suffering and get real happiness? What is the real goal of life?"
Just search out the Lord, then you will find happiness.