Yesterday I was frustrated and on the precipice of a
heart-wrenching and conflicting realization. I desperately wanted to burst open
and pour out all my thoughts, feelings and anxieties but I resisted. I resisted
even in the presence of someone with no personal connection to my past or
present circumstances or any personal bias. I resisted because I was afraid that
someone would finally see me for who I really am rather than the mask I flash
before them. Someone could unearth the interred remains of an identity I
desperately tried to suppress and stifle ages long ago. For what more
terrifying monsters lie in wait for us than the visage of our most repulsive
and impulsive selves? Am I subhuman? A monster? Selfish? Greedy? Lusty?
Unabashed? Impetuous? Immoral? Deceptive?
Later, I began an uncomfortable conversation with myself in
hopes of alleviating some of the internal strife only to unravel further the
tangled, mangled mess and catch fleeting glimpses of a new identity with complex and apparently contradictory beliefs and values. Who am I? Who have I
become? Why do I continue to resist knowing full well the repercussions of
isolation?
I want to share a diary entry from my personal journal today. When I wrote it, I had no intention of sharing it with anyone else, it was between me, my conscience and the Lord. It reads like a prayer because that's exactly what it is. It has to do with material existence, particularly the woes of being a woman. About a year ago a mataji came to my home and it sounded like she was lamenting her life. She subtly disclosed her frustration; she felt unwanted because she was now 'old' and no longer a 'productive member' of society. After all those decades of selfless service, she's turned away by family and friends alike. She felt used and lamented her situation, I felt sorrowful and sympathetic but gave her a cold-hearted response instead. I thought, "She needs to hear the truth, maybe this will be a catalyst for spirituality." I simply said one thing, "Mataji, we are the servant of Bhagavan, Sri Krishna, but instead we waste our lives serving ourselves and others, then, when we are no longer productive or useful or desirable we are discarded and left by the wayside. Worse if you're a woman, you'll serve your husbands, sons, daughters, in-laws, parents, society and to what end? That's why Prabhupada urges us to find the Lord in our youth, practice spirituality, depend only of the Lord. He's the only one who won't turn you away." With those words, Mataji started to cry and tearfully said, "That's a wonderful realization, Madri, I only wish I had realized that when I was your age. I guess I was just fooling myself, I thought I would be taken care of in my old age and but nobody wants me around."
Sri Nityananda Avadhuta
A Woman's Prayer
Prabhu, I've wasted my entire youth on attaining respect, reputation, status, vanity, pride,
serving my senses, indulging in disgusting activities,pursuing sin and sense gratification at all costs.
Now my entire life has passed before me but with no worthy achievements, no pious activities, no spiritual knowledge, everything is in vain.
You are my only hope now, Prabhu, please rescue me from this miserable, pathetic condition. Once used, discarded and neglected, I'll be of no use to anyone, please accept me before that time. Let me prove that You are not simply my last resort but in reality, You are the Ultimate Shelter. You are all that remains for anyone-- why should I waste my years in vain when I can arrive at the destination with little effort? Please don't make me learn this lesson the hard way. What is more pathetic than this is to realize the truth when it is already too late! I don't want to burn my years away until I am old and decrepit, serving men and jackals and then fall into despair when I am abandoned by my protectors.
Your Servant,
Madri
In the end, I think Sri Krishna arranged for this woman to visit my home that fateful day. The Lord wanted to give me a message, His word and promise. For that reason I am thankful, knowing this to be the truth, I surrender myself to the will of the Lord. Only Krishna knows my mind, heart and intentions. May that sweet, lotus-eyed boy be ever gracious to his wayward devotees and bring them safely back to the shelter of His Divine lotus feet.
Isn't it incredibly disappointing when women live up to stupid stereotypes? For example, that women lack critical thinking skills, simple logical reasoning and plain old common sense; I have noticed this played up in popular movies, television and pretty much everything else. Women are portrayed as blithering idiots with no decision-making skills whatsoever and I wonder why can't they show an intelligent and decisive woman. There are plenty of female role-models in real life, is it so hard to provide heroines whose most notable features aren't her breasts? Or whose accessories don't include stilettos, red lip-stick or a gun strapped between her thighs? I console myself with the simple idea that women aren't like that in real life, that women aren't just comic relief or sex appeal until... one day you're having a conversation about whatever and a woman asks a ridiculously stupid question or asks you to explain something further when in reality it is simple common sense. COMMON SENSE! And, the both of you look like blithering idiots in front of everyone. Sometimes I feel sorry for them and sometimes they enrage me so much, no wonder it's easy for Bollywood and Hollywood to cast women in sexist roles... just look at what we are allowing ourselves! We're giving too many allowances and providing plenty of kindle for the bonfire.
I wanted to experiment with the lastest tool in Blogger draft, a little something for those of you who have not already done so and others who just like to screw around with people. I wondered if it was anything like what Blogger said it was, staring at a blank screen and not having a clue what to write about. Let Scribe feed your dog (scribe did that). Scribe is alright, if you're super lazy and have no creativity. I went ahead and wrote down a few words that came to mind and let Scribe take over.. as much as possible. These are the results:
feminists have been very happy with the results of I'm not sure if it is not a valid stream resource in December. We have a lot of people are not aware of any other person or entity that is not the case for the other two are the same as the one in the same way as the first step in the right direction for the future of the country and the world of the living room and dining room with a view to the sea and from the fact that the two features of four cases this was not the first time for the first time ever.
Okay, enough about the subject. Scribe finished that sentence for me, kinda; you have to really push it in the right direction.
women in the United States and Canada for the first time in the history of the birth of baby Jesus in the first century AD has been held that the action of the air and shit... scribe runs out of suggestions.
food and beverage service and have a good time last night and she was not sure if she was still in school and incorporate the latest features and functionality of the system and the way we do with what you want to be here know how to navigate the new world order. As you can readily see Scribe is great at completing your thoughts.
text messaging is a new and exciting products on the net and found this site available to, whatever, man, if this was a real scribe, in would have had him beheaded by now.
stealing shit is fun, I guess I enjoy the adventure of travel of strip-mall locations. Blegh, are you having as much fun as me?
awkwardness in relationship, it's not alright to come over and call me and think its all water under the bridge because we caught up over the phone a few times and SHIT. If we were cool, I would have said, "We're cool." Do you think you can come up with a new tool for the job? Because scribe is driving me crazy.
positive female role models are necessary in life and are not readily available in all the other countries or in the case of the first class of the day. Wow, this is ridiculous and a waste of time.
drama-based training and that's it folks, scribe fell asleep at the wheel.
If this was a long-haul trucker, our goods and brains would be splattered all over the interstate by now. Moral of the story: don't let the computer take over. Have fun with your whatever it is that you enjoy.
Its been an entire two days since my last post and I think I've restrained myself long enough from ranting about something else. Today I will talk about the many wonderful inconveniences of being a woman. You might want to close your browser now or listen to a super-wonderful-ecstatic-awesome-glorious kirtan instead. Or just deal with it.
I love long full skirts, if you've ever seen me (or my wardrobe) in person it wouldn't be hard to spot. As much as I love broomstick, multi-tiered, ruffles, lace, starched petticoats underneath... they are a god-damn nightmare to deal with in the bathroom. Naturally, this gets me thinking and then I wonder what the hell was wrong with Victorian women. If I can't handle the immense amount of fabric in a single multi-tiered skirt, then how in the hell did Victorian women survive in those days? They look gorgeous, elegant, lady-like and sophisticated but they don't let you piss, shit or bleed in peace! I don't think you understand exactly how much fabric was required for the construction of one's undergarments in those days. Thinks about it; it wasn't fashion, ladies, it was some kind of cruel and unusual punishment. Were they all just too strung out on opium to give a damn? Masochists? Into bondage and shit? C'mon, really!
Still, as frustrating as they are, it probably won't stop me from wearing broomstick skirts in the future. Unless I'm bleeding. Menstruating is frustrating enough as it is, dealing with that much cloth would just send me into a murderous rage. Plus Victorian women had crotchless drawers which is better than any contraption that I can think of. Pretty ingenious and redeeming all at the same time. It gives me hope for the future...
We will be beginning today to address a number of social and cultural topics. The first topic will be abortion. To start off, let us say that abortion has been one of the greatest Holocausts of the past half century, and has resulted in the brutal murder of millions and millions of unborn babies in the womb. This is directly a result of the women's liberation movement, or feminism. If feminists claim to be fighting for the good of society, for "equal rights", then how can they support such genocide as this? The blood of all of these murdered babies directly rests on the dirty hands of these feminists, or femnazis, as I like to call them. What in the hell makes these vicious women think that they have the right to commit murder?
Basically, if you cannot handle the responsibility of raising children, then you have no business having sex. Sex is meant for procreation.
The only real arguement that the feminists and pro-choice people put forward is, "Well, what if a woman gets raped? Shouldn't she be allowed abortion as a choice?".
Only in rare cases, when it is proven that a woman has actually been raped WITHOUT CONSENT, then could abortion be considered as an option. Maybe if modern women didn't walk around in public half-nude, wearing a miniskirt, and drunk, then they wouldn't have to worry so much about getting raped. If women actually behaved in a chaste way, then naturally the chances of rape would be reduced dramatically. How can women behave like prostitutes and expect to not get raped? For example, in a muslim country, women cover their full body and head. Rape is also a much less common incident in such a conservative society. Of course, on hearing this, some women will scream "Oh God, this is so sexist and misogynistic!" But my question is, which is better? To be a "sexist" or to be a murderer (by murdering your unborn children)?
This is a matter of simple logic. It doesn't take a genuis to figure this out.
And another reason why abortion is stupid is because the psychology of women is such that unless they have children, they remain unsatisfied, much like a barren field. It is the natural role of women to be mothers, and to deny this is to deny their most basic instincts. The female body is designed to produce children, and to raise children. The nature of women is such that unless they give birth to children, they will feel unfulfilled and unhappy.
Tomorow's topic? Yet to be decided.
Wonderful! I love this enthusiasm, I have just two questions. Corey, you mention that abortion is a direct result of the feminist/women's liberation movement but factually this is not true. What about the thousands of forced secret abortions preformed by Catholic priests? There have been many cases like this, a young girl gets pregnant by some boy or raped, then her parents take her to the local Catholic priest who will then insert a sharp object into her womb to remove the fetus. My own mother told me this was common in poor Latin counties. Nowadays, you don't have to visit the church to get your abortion is true, you can stop by a fancy office building with fresh flowers, magazines, and pretty paintings, where you can do it-- it's called OBGYN. It is not true that abortion is a byproduct of modern western culture, the fact is that abortion has been around for hundreds of years. You also mentioned that rape would be less common is women would dress and behave in a chaste manner, this is also not true. To say that most women get raped because they dress in revealing clothes and "walk around drunk" is just fanaticism and truly ignorant. I wonder then, if Muslim counties have so much stricture on women's dress codes, why then are there so many rapes in these countries as well? There are hundreds of women and young girls who are raped on a daily basis, and in counties like Pakistan these rapes are often perpertrated by military and priests and defended by the law. It is no secret that fanatical Arab Muslims can not resist the opportunity to beat and rape women-- Muslim and Western, for not wearing a veil or "because her brother is an adulterer". What about the Muslim priests who abuse and rape young girls just for fun? Is this okay too, is that demoniac behaviour alright? And, what happens if she speaks up to the authorities about being raped? She will get beaten for engaging in "adultery" and she is only victimized again by the government and law. In your blog, you go on and on talking about how you were "misguided" by religious extremists within ISKCON and that you didn't mean to say those horrible things but the fact is that you are still sticking to those statements. So, either you take accountability for your statements or admit your wrong-doing but you can't have it both ways. You can't say you were misguided and brain-washed and keep saying this nonsense and then expect everyone to forgive you and say, "Oh it's okay, he was being brainwashed. Poor, poor, Corey. He's a victim afterall." No one in his right mind would say the things you do just because, "someone told me to" there is a limit to stupidity, you have to take responsibility for your actions and use your intelligence- that is if you have any.
There are some links you might want to read, rape by the hands of Muslims is not very rare within the Muslim counties or in the West. http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2009/05/palestinian-muslim-rapes-6-year-old-girl-in-israel.html http://fjordman.blogspot.com/2005/08/rape-nothing-to-do-with-islam.html http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/285138/muslim_man_who_raped_muslim_woman_as.html?cat=17 http://www.geocities.com/capitolhill/parliament/3251/spring99/pakistan.html http://www.ahrchk.net/ua/mainfile.php/2008/2721/ http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7947458.stm
