Whirlwind

    I recently applied to a local university in hopes of finishing a bachelor's degree; it was my friend's (they/them) suggestion I apply to their program as they felt strongly I would love the professors, school and program/coursework. I felt inspired and encouraged by them and decided to apply to both the Multicultural Women's and Gender Studies and Fashion Design programs. Hopefully, I'm accepted and can pursue the work that I feel passionately about soon! 

    So.... I got frustrated with the online student portal today because I've already forgotten the damn password I used to create the account. I attempted using the account retrieval tool and quickly realized I didn't have the additional identifying information I needed to do that. Apparently, they need 18 generations' of ancestral names to verify your identity and reset the password. I realized my student portal is more secure than many mobile banking apps. So instead, I now need to call someone and deal with a real person on the phone all the while explaining to them that I didn't write down my password or ID number or bother to take a goddamned screenshot before my page timed-out. :( Goodness.

    My son told me he read my blog and I feel both flattered and disturbed that he would even try reading my incoherent garbage. He mentioned that my paragraphs were shit and read like run-on sentences. I agree; I'm here for rambling not creating thoughtful prose, asshole. So, I decided that I'd take some of his advice and start indenting my paragraphs. Apparently, this is something that people do when writing and separating their thoughts. IDK. I raised a weirdo.

    That's all for the personal updates. There was a hellish thunderstorm with powerful winds that tore through town. There's downed power lines, uprooted trees, and flash flooding here but what else is new?

    It's floodin' down in Texas.... 🎸🎶

Alex From India

Transcript from a real-life text for your pleasure:

*phone call, caller hangs up*

Idiot: Hi
Me: Wrong number
Idiot: No
Idiot: I
Idiot: I can back call you
Idiot: Do you love me!!!!!!!!
Me: You have the wrong number.
Idiot: It is correctly number
Idiot: Why do U hate me.
Me: What's my name?
Idiot: But I am very like you and she gave true love.
Idiot: Why did you refused me, do you have boyfriend
Idiot: I like you
Me: What's my name?
Me: How did you get my number?
Me: Who is this?
Idiot: I do know and i am forget your name
Idiot: Alex
Me: I don't know an Alex
Idiot: Jenney
Me: I think someone gave you the wrong number.
Me: Where did we meet? Where do I live?
Idiot: Do you like me
Idiot: You are desired and I love you
Me: I don't know you idiot
Idiot: How old are you
Me: You should know
Me: Since you love me, idiot.
Me: What's your name? I can't keep calling you 'idiot', that's going to get old.
Idiot: Who is name you or me??
Me: First learn how to speak English, fool. How the hell you going to hit on girls and you can't even understand!
Idiot: How old are you.two time why do U refused me tell me
Me: How did you get this number?
Me: What is your name?
Me: What country are you from?
Me:India?
Me: Nigeria?
Me: Is this a prank? Who is this? For real.
Idiot: My name Alex.
Idiot: I come from india and eritrean.

I'd Like To Say

I've spent my entire weekend reading, writing, and revising my psychology paper about correlational studies on anxiety disorders and suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. While i thought the information shows an overwhelming correlation between baseline anxiety disorder and suicide risk, I also felt that there needed to be more research on comorbidity within anxiety, mood, substance abuse, and personality disorder because comorbid disorders show the highest risk for suicidal behavior and strongest correlation in suicide attempts. Only about 10% of suicides are attributable to anxiety disorders, but this number is still significant. This is to say the research is invaluable, but moreover I think there should be further studies researching specific anxiety symptoms, cognitions, and behaviors, so clinicians would better serve their patients in managing and treating their disorders.
Another thing, PTSD has the strongest correlation to suicide risk, and this should be another longitudinal study in itself due to the high volume of veterans returning home from the war. There will be ample populations to study, and if comorbidity is present, researchers to focus on finding specific blah blah blah. My brain has shut off.
On another note, psychological autopsies should be improved, there needs to be a more effective method of quantifying the percentage of anxiety-related suicides, and investigating the mechanisms of anxiety symptoms and their effect on sufferers.

Mesmerized

I dreamt another mesmerizing, lucid dream about you. The tenderest, loving-est, sweetest dream of you. I felt your delicious and tender kisses upon my breast and sensed the urgent longing within yours. I couldn't look away from you. I gazed deeply into your eyes, and though it was but a fleeting moment, I felt that we traversed the entire cosmos with our gaze. I couldn't wake up again. I knew the hour was late and I felt like prolonging our rendezvous. It was too late, however. I woke up to the smell of freshly brewed ginger tea and knew it was time to rise. Once again, I felt your delicious and tender kisses upon me, but not from you.

Secret Admirer

I’m sure you know that I’m completely infatuated with you. I feel I have to tell you this. I’m not sure why, but I feel an overwhelming fear that I’ll hold on to this and that it will crush me. The other day you made excessive eye contact (for me) and this made me highly uncomfortable. I enjoyed it, I wanted more but the longer I stared into your expansive, deep, loving eyes, I felt myself falling into that ocean of infatuated madness yet again. I felt as if you cast a spell on me and I remained transfixed within your wonderfully refreshing gaze willfully. I lost myself within your eyes and I couldn't find my way out. I avoided you recently; I wanted to avoid drowning in that ocean yet again. I avoided conversation though all I ever wanted was your attention. I captured your attention and then neglected you again.

Can we start over? This time I promise to play by the rules and reciprocate every gesture of interest. I woke up several nights in a row restless, anxious, and thinking of you. Typically, I’m only anxious when I face a stressful challenge, which begs the question: are you my latest hurdle and how? I believe I want to seduce you, but I’m also deeply troubled by our mutual lack of time and opportunity. Indeed, this is only a fraction of the obstacles involved. The implications and ramifications are of even greater risk to you for obvious reasons. I have to remind myself frequently that you’re my instructor, a respectable person, and a public figure. Can I have you? How? Is my age an issue? Do you have expectations of me? What nature relationship can we have without negatively impacting your career, life and family? Is there one?

Discoveries

I don't know what to write about really. I have a lot of homework assignments but I'm keeping up so far. I made a perfect score on my last algebra exam and I'm hoping to ace the next accuplacer, I want to test out and save myself another semester of developmental math.
I made a near perfect score on my critical thinking quiz. I could have done better if I had not rushed through it and missed the intellectual standards of assessment section.

It's okay if you only know three chords but for God's sake, play them in the right order.

I want to read Jaiva Dharma but I have a bit of reading to catch up on for a vocabulary quiz. It has been three days since I read any devotional material. The last thing I read was "Being A Guru" by  Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur. Prajapati prabhu has given me a few items to read, a packet about Sri Radhe and another astrology packet. I'm trying to avoid opening the astrology related material as I tend to get distracted and carried away. I love reading devotional literature, but, as with most reading, I lose track of time and find myself still reading several hours later.
Is it strange that enjoy working my algebra problems more than writing an essay?
I thought that I really enjoyed writing, I do enjoy writing. Lately I'm finding that I enjoy a lot of things that I did not know about before. I'm learning a lot about myself. Of course, I knew that I loved math. I did Math Olympiad in elementary school and up until middle and high school I relished solving problems and learning new concepts in class. I remember we had Dr. Tiernan come to H.S. Thompson once or twice a week to teach us college math. It was so stimulating and refreshing. I think everyone lit up whenever she came into the room. We were very young and excited about math. Summations especially. There was something invigorating about solving an equation that seemed larger than life. You felt as if you could conquer the world after solving a summation. She gave us the greek alphabet and we learned to write in a new coded language. We thought we were so smart, like we had discovered an ancient secret.

Change of Pace

A couple days ago I started working on a doily, I figured I could make them in worsted weight and they'd work up quickly so I can make several and piece them together to make a table runner for my dresser top. :)

The pattern I'm working is called Autumn Reflection, I found it on Ravelry, and it's available online in written form here. I photographed my progress the other day so you can take a look at my work. I found the Elise shawl stuffed away under my desk (probably so I wouldn't think of working it again), I thought about unraveling it and using it to make more doilies but someone stopped me from doing so just yet. I'm gonna sleep on it some more and think carefully about whether I'd be happy throwing away all that work for some doilies. ::sigh:: Time is changing and I haven't studied at all for my placement test. I promised myself I would meet up with my friend so he could tutor me and hopefully I wouldn't end up in a remedial math class. That would suck. Ass. Tons of ass. Anyhow. I got sick for nearly two f@*#ing weeks and here I am still congested, tired and super-weak but I'll get by with a little help from my friends, my hydrocodone psuedoephedrine cough syrup sample bottle friends. We're making pizza today and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I can't stand pizza, it gives me gas and a  bloated stomach, on top of the fact that I'm already fat. So you can imagine. I need to start jogging again before I have a god-damn heart attack or something. Diabetes. Heart disease. High blood pressure. Nice. I gotta go jump-rope now. I'll check in sometime next week, hopefully. 

Scribe Fail

I wanted to experiment with the lastest tool in Blogger draft, a little something for those of you who have not already done so and others who just like to screw around with people. I wondered if it was anything like what Blogger said it was, staring at a blank screen and not having a clue what to write about. Let Scribe feed your dog (scribe did that). Scribe is alright, if you're super lazy and have no creativity. I went ahead and wrote down a few words that came to mind and let Scribe take over.. as much as possible. These are the results:

• feminists have been very happy with the results of  I'm not sure if it is not a valid stream resource in December. We have a lot of people are not aware of any other person or entity that is not the case for the other two are the same as the one in the same way as the first step in the right direction for the future of the country and the world of the living room and dining room with a view to the sea and from the fact that the two features of four cases this was not the first time for the  first time ever. 

Okay, enough about the subject. Scribe finished that sentence for me, kinda; you have to really push it in the right direction.

• women in the United States and Canada for the first time in the history of the birth of baby Jesus in the first century AD has been held that the action  of the air and shit... scribe runs out of suggestions. 

• food and beverage service and have a good time last night and she was not sure if she was still in school and incorporate the latest features and functionality of the system and the way we do with what you want to be here know how to navigate the new world order. As you can readily see Scribe is great at completing your thoughts.
• text messaging is a new and exciting products on the net and found this site available to, whatever, man, if this was a real scribe, in would have had him beheaded by now.
• stealing shit is fun, I guess I enjoy the adventure of travel of strip-mall locations. Blegh, are you having as much fun as me?
• awkwardness in relationship, it's not alright to come over and call me and think its all water under the bridge because we caught up over the phone a few times and SHIT. If we were cool, I would have said, "We're cool." Do you think you can come  up with a new tool for the job? Because scribe is driving me crazy. 
• positive female role models are necessary in life and are not readily available in all the other countries or in the case of the first class of the day. Wow, this is ridiculous and a waste of time. 
• drama-based training and that's it folks, scribe fell asleep at the wheel. 

 If this was a long-haul trucker, our goods and brains would be splattered all over the interstate by now. Moral of the story: don't let the computer take over. Have fun with your whatever it is that you enjoy.

Zero Tolerance Law

This is something funny that I thought I'd share with everyone; don't get me wrong, I'm not for minors drinking alcohol and/or drunk driving. I just think this law seemingly oversteps some bounds. I mean, come on, suspension for refusing to take a blood alcohol test? That's just a little bit too much. Anyway, I just like the redundant speech... read it, again and again and... again?

• Chapter 524 of the Transportation Code and Section 106.041 of the Alcoholic Beverage Code provides for suspending the driver license or driving privilege of individuals under 21 years of age for any detectable amount of alcohol. Senate Bill 35 as passed by the Texas Legislature became law on September 1, 1997. This law provides that a minor (a person who is under the age of 21) may not drive a motor vehicle with any detectable amount of alcohol (.00) in their system. This law is commonly referred to as the ZERO TOLERANCE LAW. This law provides for the suspension of a minor’s driver license for any detectable amount of alcohol in the minor’s system or refusal to provide a specimen of the minor’s breath or blood for analysis. See Chapter 10 for more detailed information about the ZERO TOLERANCE LAW for minors.

Did we get the point? I think whoever wrote this law should have his license revoked. Hah! Anyway, I thought you guys might get a good laugh. On a more serious note,

• In 2006, 13,470 people died in alcohol-impaired driving crashes, accounting for nearly one-third (32%) of all traffic-related deaths in the United States.¹
• In 2007, over 1.4 million drivers were arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics.⁴ That's less than one percent of the 159 million self-reported episodes of alcohol-impaired driving among U.S. adults each year.⁵
• Drugs other than alcohol (e.g., marijuana and cocaine) are involved in about 18% of motor vehicle driver deaths. These other drugs are generally used in combination with alcohol.⁶
• Half of the 306 child passengers ages 14 and younger who died in alcohol-related crashes in 2006 were riding with drivers who had a BAC level of .08 or higher.¹
• In 2006, 45 children age 14 years and younger who were killed as pedestrians or bicyclists were hit by alcohol-impaired drivers.¹

From the Centers for Disease Control website for Impaired Driving.