Monday, January 19, 2015

Secret Admirer

I’m sure you know that I’m completely infatuated with you. I feel I have to tell you this. I’m not sure why, but I feel an overwhelming fear that I’ll hold on to this and that it will crush me. The other day you made excessive eye contact (for me) and this made me highly uncomfortable. I enjoyed it, I wanted more but the longer I stared into your expansive, deep, loving eyes, I felt myself falling into that ocean of infatuated madness yet again. I felt as if you cast a spell on me and I remained transfixed within your wonderfully refreshing gaze willfully. I lost myself within your eyes and I couldn't find my way out. I avoided you recently; I wanted to avoid drowning in that ocean yet again. I avoided conversation though all I ever wanted was your attention. I captured your attention and then neglected you again.

Can we start over? This time I promise to play by the rules and reciprocate every gesture of interest. I woke up several nights in a row restless, anxious, and thinking of you. Typically, I’m only anxious when I face a stressful challenge, which begs the question: are you my latest hurdle and how? I believe I want to seduce you, but I’m also deeply troubled by our mutual lack of time and opportunity. Indeed, this is only a fraction of the obstacles involved. The implications and ramifications are of even greater risk to you for obvious reasons. I have to remind myself frequently that you’re my instructor, a respectable person, and a public figure. Can I have you? How? Is my age an issue? Do you have expectations of me? What nature relationship can we have without negatively impacting your career, life and family? Is there one?
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