Saturday, December 15, 2012

My Heart

My heart is wicked, cruel and hard like a rock. Having repeatedly felt the hard blows of Maya and my own karma, I feel suspcious and distrustful of everyone. I am selfish, greedy, angry, and bitter because I am constantly defeated in material endeavors. I even wish ill on others because my heart is so black with envy.
There are, however, just a handful of special souls that I have come to trust, love, respect and with whom I share my heart. Srila Bhakti Ratna Sadhu Swami Maharaj is among those polished and glittering gems I have found through the mercy of Sri Guru in my journey of spiritual life. Maharaj is a loving and understanding spiritual master, who takes time out of his busy schedule to listen to my juvenile and selfish complaints. He expertly guides me out of frustration and into determination with gentleness and understanding. His gentle-heart has thoroughly melted and captured my heart. Though I am unmotivated and spiritually innert, He inspires me to strive harder, set higher goals, and remain ever-enthusiastic in devotion.  Srila Sadhu Maharaj always enchants us with beautiful pastimes and, even though I am not qualified to understand them, they bring joyful tears to my eyes! I am stone-hearted and can not be moved otherwise but somehow, when Maharaj narrates a beautiful pastime or describes the Dham, Nama, or Parshads of the Lord, I feel inexplicable joy.
I can only surmise that it is due to the unbounded mercy of Sri Guru Gauranga and Sri Nityananda Avadhuta, that I have come across such a gem of pure devotion and bliss. I have witnessed with my own heart the deep significance of Maharaj's name: 'Bhakti' because he remains constantly enraptured in devotional service, "Ratna" because he is fully polished in the art of devotion and shines like a gem above all others, and "Sadhu" because he supercedes all standards, being naturally gentle and cultured in his demeanor, he wins the heart of everyone.
Thank you for your countless blessings and good will, Maharaj. Certainly one day I shall develop a taste for chanting the Holy Names of the Lord and I am certain it will be due to my great fortune-- your loving association.

Sri Nitai Pada Kamala
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