Well, it's been a really long time since I blogged last-- exactly a month. I'm sorry I've let my blog sit for so long but if it's any consolation, I haven't been writing in my journal either so you know there isn't anything worth mentioning even in passing. I've been pretty busy these past couple of weeks with class and preparing myself for more classes. I don't want to take on too much at a time as I don't know what my capacity for coursework is, how stressed out I might become or even if I'll be able to manage my time wisely. Besides that, there is nothing really going on in my life.
I've been thinking more about my education and where I want it to take me, career-wise. I am more lost and confused about a career path than I was fifteen years ago. I can honestly say my twelve-year-old self had a more defined sense of purpose in life. I guess my general interests have changed but specifically, the only thing that's really changed since then is my spirituality. When I was twelve, I was trying to distance myself as much as possible from crochet and crafts, as it was no longer 'cool' and instead obsessed about violin and violin mastery. I was really obsessed, I mean, I used to write poems and make artwork about my instrument, music and violin.
I don't have that one-pointed vision anymore and, though I'm glad I've broadened my general interests, I still wish I had that yogic mental prowess I had then. It's laughable if you really think about it carefully. I was strong-willed, determined, patient, and extremely mature in my musical endeavors. I wonder if I still have that energy and enthusiasm in me. Can I focus my energy and enthusiasm towards a higher purpose and reach my goal?
I guess you're wondering if I'm going off topic and I wonder that too. I write in cryptic and vague language, sometimes alluding to different topics or even writing in hidden and double meanings. I know, I've been doing that a lot lately but I'll let you figure it out.
মাদ্রী দেবী দাসী