Thursday, March 14, 2013

Inner Guide

I am not intentionally avoiding writing but when I looked at the last post date, I was stunned. I couldn't believe that I would let my blog sit for over a week without any kind of update or at least a draft for something. I would like to write more but lately there is not much to write about. I'm in school, I'm doing well, and that is about it. The only downside to doing well is that it leaves little room for tangible improvement. I'm improving damn it but I have nothing to show for it except a more formalized instruction of things that I had to figure out for myself many years ago. I was talking to my adviser about this a few weeks ago and mentioned that I felt one of my classes was just a reassurance of theories and philosophies I had come up with through the years and realizations I had from past experiences. He said that was a good thing and I knew immediately that it was. There is nothing more rewarding that the feeling of confirmation especially when you have to figure out everything by yourself and without a support system. It is taxing, on the mind and on the body as well, to have to think your way out of everything. Alone. I was relieved to know that my course was like a huge pat on the back telling me I was headed in the right direction all along. There was no need to ever doubt myself but that is what happens when you feel alone or lack a network of support. You feel lost and estranged, you think you're probably screwing everything up and your mind will play dirty tricks on you. I just have to say that if you are in doubt it's helpful to ask someone who has been there or done that. Sometimes, however, it is not so easy to find someone knowledgeable or understanding enough to confide in-- that is, except for the Lord. Krishna is always there, the Adi-Guru is always present in our hearts, whatever you may address Him as, Sri Guru, The Holy Spirit, Paramatma, or inner conscience, it is there. Listen to your "Inner Guide".
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