My Dearest Krishna-Chandra,
Jaya Sri Sri Guru-Gauranga! Jaya Srila Prabhupada!
I hope this letter meets you very well. Right now, I do not feel fit-- neither in body or mind. I always feel upset, tired, depressed or otherwise unfit for my service. I think I'm just unqualified for your service, you are indeed a supremely sweet boy. Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you because this is all partly due to your own highly demanding nature. I just want to let you know that you like to have every second of my time-- my undivided attention. It is really killing me, to be honest with you; I have never met anyone who is so impeccable in his taste and standards-- and you're only a two-year-old boy! I have served many kinds of people and personalities in my lifetime- young, old, rich, poor, theists, atheists, angels, demons, materialists and spiritualists but none of them, in service, have amounted to you. You are just a boy but sometimes I think you're testing me immensely, pushing my limits and severely admonishing my pride. I pray to the Absolute Truth, the Supreme Personality, Sri Krishna that I will succeed in my duties as your mother. I'm telling you all of this because I love you. I love your voice in the mornings when you call out for me, I love your cry when you shed tears in pain, I love the way you appreciate my unrefined cooking and praise, "Delicious!" I want you to know these facts, I love you immensely, truly more than my own life and I will always be here for you, ready to accept you with open arms. Even if it means staying up all night and listening to you cry, I'll always here for you. Even when you don't want me around and tell me to "Go away!", I will always be here for you. Even if it means that I must give up my own life for you, I'll always, always, always be here for you! Don't forget it for even a second because I never will. I pray that my dedication and determination to you as your mother will enable me to love the Lord and develop good characteristics like humility etc. By your service the Lord has enabled me to become closer to Him; maybe in my next lifetime I will be able to become Sri Sri Radhika Krishna Chandra's humble servant. I know now that Krishna has blessed me with the service of His very intimate servant and devotee, and thus my life will become successful if I can serve and please him, my pran, my dhan, my sona baba- Krishna Chandra das. If you are pleased with my service then please give me your blessings, son. There is mention in the scriptures that the son or offspring can liberate the parents and forefathers from material bondage when he excels in virtues and devotion to God. I am begging you to please give me your unrestricted compassion, as you always do, and bless this soul to become a devotee of the Lord.
Your eternal servant,
Madri devi dasi