Self Delusion

This week we had a pre-writing assignment for English Comp. that I was not sure I would be comfortable doing. We were supposed to write about a song that elicits vivid memories, emotions, or a person, and describe every detail of that memory. Immediately upon reading the assignment, a specific song and its associated memories came to mind: suddenly my mind filled with dense smoke, the smell of a diesel engine, and anxious anticipation.
At first the assignment seemed exactly like the kind of evocative release I need in my life. Typically I do not realise how much I suppress my emotions, thoughts, and opinions until I have the opportunity to resist my defensive self. This assignment forced me to speak outside of my comfort zone on a topic that I usually like to avoid: self-destruction, lies, illicit acts, and manipulation. For one, I don't like to admit being duped, on the other hand, I know that I played an active role in allowing myself to be made a fool. I temporarily ignored all logic and reason, and in silent ignorance, I pursued bliss. There is nothing more pleasurable than deluding yourself into believing something, even if it destroys you in the end.

Discoveries

I don't know what to write about really. I have a lot of homework assignments but I'm keeping up so far. I made a perfect score on my last algebra exam and I'm hoping to ace the next accuplacer, I want to test out and save myself another semester of developmental math.
I made a near perfect score on my critical thinking quiz. I could have done better if I had not rushed through it and missed the intellectual standards of assessment section.

It's okay if you only know three chords but for God's sake, play them in the right order.

I want to read Jaiva Dharma but I have a bit of reading to catch up on for a vocabulary quiz. It has been three days since I read any devotional material. The last thing I read was "Being A Guru" by  Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur. Prajapati prabhu has given me a few items to read, a packet about Sri Radhe and another astrology packet. I'm trying to avoid opening the astrology related material as I tend to get distracted and carried away. I love reading devotional literature, but, as with most reading, I lose track of time and find myself still reading several hours later.
Is it strange that enjoy working my algebra problems more than writing an essay?
I thought that I really enjoyed writing, I do enjoy writing. Lately I'm finding that I enjoy a lot of things that I did not know about before. I'm learning a lot about myself. Of course, I knew that I loved math. I did Math Olympiad in elementary school and up until middle and high school I relished solving problems and learning new concepts in class. I remember we had Dr. Tiernan come to H.S. Thompson once or twice a week to teach us college math. It was so stimulating and refreshing. I think everyone lit up whenever she came into the room. We were very young and excited about math. Summations especially. There was something invigorating about solving an equation that seemed larger than life. You felt as if you could conquer the world after solving a summation. She gave us the greek alphabet and we learned to write in a new coded language. We thought we were so smart, like we had discovered an ancient secret.

What?

I know I said I'd make a commitment to write once a week if all possible. I didn't blog this week because I was too excited to start studying. I am really proud of myself, instead of slacking off the first week and taking it easy, I decided to review introductory chapters and reviews to get a head start. The objective being that if I hit a stumbling block, at least I won't fall behind, rather, I can take my time and absorb information without having to rush or feel pressured to catch up with the rest of my peers. I know I thought Learning Framework was going to be a decidedly easy class, however, I found that I'm looking forward to sitting in my Algebra and Writing classes instead. I already finished Chapter 0 and I have to say that the introduction to Bloom's Taxonomy and Stage Theory made my head spin. What the hell does "thinking about thinking" or "thinking about your way of thinking" mean? I already think too much and over-analyze everything. Does that mean that perhaps this class will teach me how to manipulate those thinking processes to my learning advantage? Or does it mean that I will overwhelm myself, yet again? And yes, I almost forgot 'intellectual humility'.

Feel free to cuss me out. I'll try to get back on topic during my next post. Strictly DIY sewing and crafting. Maybe a recipe or two. Has anyone tried the homemade sugar wax? If so let me know how it's working by commenting on that post here. I know it's a trial and error process so everyone will develop a wax of varying consistency and efficacy. I'll answer relevant questions so don't feel shy to ask!

If It Can't Be Fixed With Duct Tape...

it can't be fixed. I brought my dear pen back to life by carefully taping all the pieces together. He works, but still his internal organs are not settled in quite right... and sometimes there's a little leakage, just a little. His shell sometimes shifts around and I have to re-dress his duct tape bandages.