More Realizations

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my personal journal, one of the reasons I'm blogging less these days. I've acquired several diaries over the years from friends and family and started journal keeping in all of them. Over the years my writing was scattered over several journals, if you wanted a complete understanding of my life, you'd need all seven or eight or... I lost count. It's ridiculous, that's not even counting the composition books and notebooks I purchased on my own. I decided a while back that I would finish writing in one journal exclusively before moving onto the next one, reverting back to their chronological order in which they were received. I'm writing in the black duct-taped one now, I'm lining it in pencil so I can also work on my penmanship. I'm also practicing my Bengali along with my English alphabet to refine my handwriting and make it something more consistent. I found a nice website about Italics and other handwriting that I'd like to share with you-- Italic Handwriting Directory-- it is really neat and a great place to admire lovely penmanship, even if you're not familiar with calligraphy, you'll certainly fall in love with the beautiful style and elegance therein.

Right now I'm working on a cardigan called Chevron Lace cardigan, the pattern is available from the crafter herself at her blog, it's a wonderful site but unfortunately it's inactive. You can still find her patterns at Ravelry and I love the simple cardigan pattern so far. Still making several doilies in the Autumn Reflections pattern. And yes, I really do need that many doilies. Why in the world am I working a cardigan in the middle of spring? It has occurred to me that it's best to work your winter patterns in the spring or summer, that way you get more time to plan and make changes to your finished work before it's ready to wear. Also, I desired a caplet or shawl for hanging around the house, it's not so strange if you think about it. Over here in the land of central air conditioning and wooden crawl spaces, the houses are always chilly, drafty or just plain freezing. Especially in the summer.

Last night I got really sick with food poisoning and even though I was deathly ill, somehow I still managed to meditate and focus on the Holy Name. Sri Harinam helps me a lot when I'm in trouble, ill, mentally or emotionally disturbed. I chant constantly, aloud or silently, and beg the Name to reveal truth to my heart. I prayed and cried out to the Lord, I wanted mental clarity and strength. When I get sick, I start to panic and fear the worst case scenario, panicking only worsens my condition, so I try my best to control my mind. I tried my best to chant, keep myself calm and surrendered to the shelter of Sri Nityananda Swarup.
Of course, I always get these really wonderful realizations, it seems kind of macabre to say it but the day afterward, I relish it. I can reflect on the Lord's mercy and how he reveals Himself at our weakest hours. Last night's realizations were exactly what I was praying for these past several months. I couldn't unlock this code for the life of me. I knew it would  take a huge blow to the head for it to sink in, and boy, was I right! The Lord is so merciful, if you simply cry, beg, plead with a sincere heart for His shelter, He'll make proper arrangements and reveal tattva to you when the time is appropriate. Another thing I realized, it's through the process of purging that we rid ourselves of impurities, sometimes we have to endure that painful process, since we have so many anarthas in our hearts, it takes a long time. With forbearance and determination we can make it to our desired goal but we pray for the spriritual strength and endurance of Lord Nityananda Ram, otherwise the journey is implausible. We just have to keep on trekking, no matter what. Determination, patience and enthusiasm- that is the instruction of Sri Rupa Goswamipad.

Jay Sri Sri Guru Gouranga! Jay Nityananda Balaram! Jaya Sri Hari nama!
♫ Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Ram Hare Ram Ram Ram Hare Hare ♪

Nature Trail

Krishna Chandra's eyes are better but he got sick over the weekend with a cough and fever. Something reassuring: Krishna Chandra's doctor advised us to use duct tape on his wart. Apparently the wart will not be able to breathe and slowly shrink away. Duct tape fixes everything. I kept him home yesterday so he could rest up and recover. I stayed up all night with him because he had a fever, exhausted and weakened from sleep deprivation, I finally broke down and got sick myself. I went to the doctor first thing in the morning yesterday and he said I had strep throat. Oh happy day! Luckily, I caught it really early. I'm very sensitive and aware of my body so I knew something was wrong that night, I gargled with peroxide but I think that only made the streptococcus angry. I forget the full name, don't ask me. I'm taking my antibiotic course carefully so I can get over this bug as quickly as humanly possible. We went for a brisk walk this morning and it was nice, we didn't jog but that's fine, I don't want to stress my body these next few days. I couldn't go out yesterday but at least I got plenty of sleep. I saw a dead lizard on the trail this morning, it's  gross but it's a valid memory nonetheless. I saw a gorgeous blue jay, a cottontail rabbit and another red bird, it might have been a woodpecker but I'm not sure, his head was red but he was too far away for me to get a good look at his body or any patterns. I should probably invest in a good pair of binoculars. It would be especially useful when I'm in India since I love spying on the neighbors. It helps that we have a second-story roof and balcony where I can chill out with a bowl of mangoes and watch all the commotion. The other night (same night KC had a fever and I had the tingling, itchy throat sensation) someone got pulled over in front of my house and I nearly ripped the blinds from their holder trying to see what the hell was going on over there. Some dude, two cops, no arrests. Blah. Boring. I found out my neighbor waters his lawn at night, I wonder if that's why his lawn looks so great? I've been watching a very interesting television series called The Colony and I can't stop but it's alright because Chandaneswar is sleeping, the chores are done, Krishna Chandra is in school and I managed to clean the whole house, well, most of it. Krishna Chandra's room still needs some spring cleaning and re-arranging but that can wait until next week. It's not urgent. I'm planning to move the formal couch into my room and put the sofa-bed in his room so he can nap in there during the afternoons and whatnot, host his little friends and watch movies.. I can't wait until summer, I'm gonna bust outta here as soon as I can. God, Dallas drives me nuts.

If It Can't Be Fixed With Duct Tape...

it can't be fixed. I brought my dear pen back to life by carefully taping all the pieces together. He works, but still his internal organs are not settled in quite right... and sometimes there's a little leakage, just a little. His shell sometimes shifts around and I have to re-dress his duct tape bandages.