Sunday, March 5, 2017

Fantasy and Nightmare

I’m in my room now. I must have gotten up around 3:30am. I lied in bed for about an hour thinking about you and talking to you. I told you about a nightmare I had. I had your full attention. This is my fantasy. I began with the most detailed aspects of the dream first, I jotted something down and you read it and gave a critique while I regaled you. You nodded and I continued to tell you about my dream: it was terrifying. I was alone and encumbered (as per usual) with a dozen things. I saw you walking around my new apartment building so I stopped to say, “Hello”  but you were too engaged and focused on something/someone else. I grew despondent and a bit jealous and bitter so I left and went to my apartment. When I was there, I realized that I had forgotten something and I needed to leave immediately to retrieve it before my next engagement. I left my apartment, with all my things strapped to my body, and headed for the store. On my way out, someone stopped me and asked me for help, so I stopped momentarily before I realized there was nothing I could do to remedy the situation so I decided to keep moving.
At the store, I looked around for a cart and tried to remove some of my belongings. There, at the entrance, stood a man, handsome and tall and eternally transfixed on my being. He gave me an eerily piercing gaze and I shuddered. I tried to leave quickly but he approached me and began jeering me in the most unpleasant manner. I could not leave somehow, or didn’t want to appear frightened, so I stayed in the store. He continued speaking but changed his tone to more of a supplication of sorts.
He told me that I was the most captivating creature he’d ever seen and that I ‘belonged’ to him. He said that I should accompany him to his home and stay with him. His tone and directness terrified me somehow. Then, I saw you in the store; you were wearing plain clothes: a t-shirt and bermudas or sweatpants so I ran to you, seeking your protection but again you were preoccupied and unaware of me. It was as if I could do nothing to get your attention. That was my nightmare.
I left the store alone in hopes to get away from the man but he pursued me and became more forceful and aggressive with me. At that moment, flustered and hopeless, I dropped my belongings and closed distance with my attacker. I fought him until he was on the ground and berated him with insults. I got a second wind and showered him with more blows until he begged me to stop. I couldn’t stop. I wanted him to breathe his last… I wanted to see the life exit his body. I was determined to see him dead. I can’t remember the rest of the dream, only that I met you again and I begged you to make love to me. You didn't pay attention to me otherwise.
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