Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Composite Composition

When I first saw you I didn't think much of you. That quickly changed when I heard you speak. I was fixated on your voice. I could listen to you speak for hours. At one point I had to delete all your lectures from my electronic device. I hoped, foolishly, that this would control my urges.

There's something mysteriously magnetic about you. I have to admit that I have fantasized about you on more than one occasion. Did you ever sense a change in my demeanor during the past few months? I've slowly tried to prevent myself from forming attachments to you. I hope you understand.

I first developed feelings for you after our first session together. I couldn't stand your intellectual abilities. You quickly deciphered that I wanted to avoid speaking about my fucking feelings and tried to change topics. I don't have feelings for you. Otherwise, I would have felt an attraction to you sooner.

At times I wish we could see each other the side. In fact, I've contemplated rearranging my entire schedule and schools simply to get closer to you. I hope an opportunity presents itself at some point. Can we ever just be friends? I certainly don't think so... I've learned that I'm great at improvising charm and magnetism when I want to. It's dangerous..

Why can't we just have sex on the side and just keep things casual and uncomplicated? Is there a reason why this isn't possible beside our spouses, lovers or social injunctions? I really think this is a bunch of bullshit.

I really miss you and sometimes I lie awake thinking about you. I wonder what you're doing, or what you're wearing, or who you're with, and if you're truly happy? Are you happy? I don't know if you're toying with me or really sincere. I'm really insecure about it. Does it matter if I'm not sincere because sometimes I like playing games. Do you want play with me?
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