Sunday, August 10, 2014

Wandering

Happy Balaram Purnima
For those who are not familiar, today is the advent of Lord a Balaram, Krishna's older brother, protector, and best friend. I'd like to share an informative article about Him here. http://harmonist.us/2014/08/all-rests-on-balarama/

Last night I had a similar dream to the one before. It was more like a nightmare in that all the events were unfortunate coincidences and worst case scenarios in succession. 
First, it appears that I'm backpacking through Colorado with a friend. We both have close friends there and decided to crash on their couches. During the day, we had activities planned, but were mostly strapped for cash so we kept our accommodations at a minimum. It seems Chandaneśwar prabhu and Krishna Chandra prabhu did not accompany me on my trip. It's just me and my buddy, let's call him... Joe.
 Anyway, Joe and I have the most unreliable friends on the planet, and both flake out, so we are out on the streets with no shelter, or money, and it's cold, and it's just started storming, and it's night. Did I mention we have no money, and a single cellphone with no charger and a dying battery? I'm looking for my friend, Jacob, at his friend's place, but he's no where to be found. I can't contact him, and he's outside in the cold, freezing rain wthout any rain gear. We are fucked, and there's an intruder breaking into the house-- I have to act immediately to the most urgent problem. The head of household, Jake's friend, is out, she has children, about five-- all filthy, unsupervised, and malnourished. The house is so horribly messy, I can't make my way around the room without tripping or bumping myself. I get to the back entrance to disarm the intruder, but the children are crying for attention. They are hungry, tired, dirty, and afraid. I want to help the children, but with no resources, food, or assistance, the task seems out of my hands. I decide to leave the unsupervised children, pack as many belongings as possible into a couple backpacks, look for my friend Josh, and call Children's welfare and protective services later. I leave in search for a suitable shelter, like a park with plenty of tree cover, but hope to find a cemetery. The city looks like Denver, I remembered a local cemetery/park, and headed in that direction. There are plenty of trees that provide overhead cover, but other threats are present. There is a strange man who appears to be a demon in the guise of a common thug. As threatening individuals approach me, I fear for my safety, but no one physically harms me. Mostly they ask for money, or try to rob me, but I manage to talk my way out of the situations without fighting. I feel relieved because I'm famished, low on energy, and incapable of continuing on so heavily encumbered. I can't find my friend, Jake/Josh/Joe/Jacob, but it doesn't matter because I'm too exhausted to continue searching. I find a suitable place to camp for the night, and wake up from my dream. It's not even five o'clock. 

I couldn't remember the details of today's dream, only that it ran in a similar theme of anxiety, paranoia, homelessness, or aimless wandering. I went to Temple to swing the Deities this morning, and felt very faint, lightheaded, and tingling in my face and limbs. It startled me, and I wondered why I had symptoms of hypoxia. I seated myself, drank water, and rested until my husband came for me. It was embarrassing but thankfully only one person was present. I still am not sure why that happened, only that sheer panic coursed my mind at the thought of falling unconscious. 
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