Saturday, March 29, 2014

Dream motifs

After carefully analyzing my dreams, and interpreting them by incorporating the intuitive feelings and sensations I felt during the dream, I have come to the conclusion that my last dream about my emergency Cesarean section, hysterectomy, and extending recovery means that I am undergoing a painful, intensive purge in my life. Significant are the two fathers, one appears to be of a Latino/Asian ethnicity, while the second is African or African American, both of which bear strong resemblances to romantic partners from my past. Both are invested into a future with me, and fight to verify paternity to my child. I wonder if my subconscious is trying to draw attention to my romantic or sexual life, especially with all the symbolism of losing my femininity, power, or sexuality (female reproductive organs, tissue, and c-section). Throughout the dream I seem more anxious about recovery, healing, and completing my procedure. I repeat this to everyone I encounter, my doctor, nurses, lovers, rapist, and strangers in the hospital. I am disgusted by the sanitary conditions within the hospital, but fail to notice it during the initial surgery (Cesarean section, and partial hysterectomy). After encountering the hospital the second time, when my medication wears off, I realise how dirty, dilapidated, and unhygienic the hospital rooms are. Baby is alive but I don't seem concerned about my offspring's well being. I am more concerned about myself. Is my unconscious trying to tell me I spend too much time worrying about others, and place no priority on my own health and well being? Am I overly worried and preoccupied with trivial issues, or the other way around? Some questions are still unclear.Some of the imagery during the dream reminds me of the graphic self-portraiture of Frida Kahlo, perhaps I should explore those feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness, and loss more thoroughly.

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