Friday, October 11, 2013

Dreams Revealed

Last night I had a wonderful dream full of devotional sentiment and splendor. When I related the dream to Chandneswar prabhu, I asked if the dream was a bad omen or inauspicious because typically, when I dream of temples, pilgrimage, or spiritual events something terrible happens shortly thereafter. Most notable are pilgrimage or travel dreams, especially involving Deities or temples, which indicate a death in the family. Also notable are dreams of gold; whenever I dream about gold, usually a disaster will befall my immediate or extended family, but sometimes death will occur also.

A few days ago, I woke up to one such dream of gold. I dreamed that I was getting remarried, or what is known as a reaffirmation ceremony in the West. My god-brother came to attend the ceremony, and requested me wear the nuptial jewelry he gave me. "Where is the gold bracelet I gave you? Why aren't you wearing that one?" I related to him that it was in storage, and needed repair on the clasp, to which he responded, "Let's go to the jewelry store now, and have it fixed." While we were there, Boro-da purchased a couple more pieces for me. I put on my jewelry: rings, bracelets, bangles, necklaces, earrings, and admired myself in the mirror as I prepared for the ceremony. I even wore my wedding sari of brocaded silk. When I recounted this dream to Chandaneswar prabhu, he confirmed that I was right, it was a bad dream and soon after we heard disturbing news from a friend regarding our family members. 

In today's dream, however, I was taking darshan of the most beautiful arca-vigraha forms of Radhika-Krishna Chandra during a temple festival. There were many brightly colored flags and festoons, banana leaves, flower garlands, and auspicious symbols decorating the large ornate temple hall. I sat down within the kirtan mandala to sing along with the kirtaniya present. Suddenly, he stopped singing and another singer came forward to take his place, but a sannyasi objected. "No, you have already sung several times before, can't anyone else sing instead?" I could sense the sannyasi's irritation with her so I quietly rose and tried to slip away. Another devotee singer caught me in his arms and said,

"Maharaj, this girl knows how to sing, and she knows Bengali. Let her sing some Bengali bhajans."

"Oh wonderful, please chant Hare Krishna first, then we can get into bhajans." said the sannyasi.

I retorted, "I'm going to disappoint you, Maharaj. I'm not a vocalist, and I can't play the harmonium. I can read and write a little Bengali but not much. It's better if someone else sings instead."

I was annoyed with the devotee for putting me on the spot like that, but he pursued it until Maharaj ordered me to chant Hare Krishna.

"Alright, here we go, I guess this is happening. Maybe they'll get tired of me after a couple minutes." I thought to myself as I offered namaskar to the instrument, and began pumping the bellows. By some miraculous intervention every vocalization emanated like nectar and resounded beautifully in the large hall. I began interpreting a simple melody into a chant with velvety melismatic embellishments.

I continued to sing at length, and everyone who entered the temple room remained captivated by the Holy Name. The sannyasi commented, "Wow, she acted as if she couldn't even play a single note, but she moves across the keys with fluid expertise and dexterity." Later many elders approached me and complimented my singing, and I felt great pride and ego when I heard their praise.

I realized that this dream suggests that I still have a deep yearning for respect, admiration, and fame. Particularly when it comes to musical talents, I have ambitious motives for praise and gain.

On another note, I have exactly one year to get my shit together. Meaning, I have to practice violin daily, take violin lessons, Music appreciation, theory, sight singing, ear training, and history, in order to complete the required courses for my degree plan. Vocal and piano lessons also. I have one year to complete this along with my core in order to transfer on my sophomore year into the program of my choice. And I want to do it with a perfect GPA. There, I said it. Those are my plans and intentions. It shall come to pass.
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