Sunday, July 3, 2011


On Friday morning, Chandaneswar prabhu, Krishna Chandra and I headed to the doctors office. I hadn't been feeling well for the past couple days with nausea, ear-ache, headache, body chills and finally a fever on Thursday night. It was stranger when I woke up early Friday morning with diarrhea suddenly, no appetite and incredibly nauseous. I called my husband to tell him we would need to see the doctor today and made plans over the phone. When he came home, I was laying on the bed, exhausted and half past dead. He knew something was terribly wrong with me, because, "Madri never lays down on the bed." but he finished the Deities puja and got Krishna Chandra ready all alone. Amazing man, sometimes I think he's a saint. "Madri, did you drink your VitaminWater? I told you, you need to drink. At least finish one bottle." he urged me to drink the damn VitaminWater knowing it had electrolytes, especially after my worsening condition, but I wouldn't and couldn't force myself to finish even half. I skipped my breakfast and headed straight to the doctor's, I didn't have an appetite and couldn't stand the sight or thought of food without gagging. I fought Chandaneswar prabhu tooth and nail the entire time, "Why aren't you eating, at least drink something. You need to drink." When we arrived at the doctor's office, I chatted with a nice woman in the lobby about food and the food industry before being called by one of the assistants. They took my pulse, blood pressure, height and weight. I lost six pounds but probably from the diarrhea not from jogging diligently and my blood pressure was very low. Again, the nice woman, Donna, and I were seated next to each other in the waiting room and chatted again. I began to feel light-headed and asked my husband to call the doctor because, "I think I'm going to pass out." I passed my hands across my face and felt the strangest sensation. Suddenly, all light, sound, images and color were a blur. I could see only spots of colors, mainly light green and pink in front of me. I felt like my brain was being electrocuted, forcing my limbs to retract and convulse involuntarily, I could feel my body behaving in this strange way but was absolutely powerless to stop it. Sounds were mashed together and incoherent; I could only perceive them as little splashes of color across my "screen", it was as if my sound and visual wires had gotten crossed. I "heard" a jumbled soundtrack of the room, a wild mess of orchestral proportions and could only make out a single voice. I could feel myself being lifted and carried into another room as the voice called out, "Melissa, can you hear me? Answer me, can you hear me, Melissa? Melissa!" I recognized her voice as the that of my nurse, I tried my best to form words and reply, I forced myself to speak, "I can hear you but I'm having trouble. I can hear you." hoping she would understand what was happening to me. My brain was shutting down, it needed to rest. I wasn't sure if she could understand or hear me properly because to me it seemed like a huge effort to just open my mouth. I heard her acknowledge my response so I knew that I had spoken some words, at least, or something. When I came back, they had already laid me down on an exam bed and I slowly regained consciousness. My face was still fuzzy, the room was blurry and twisted out of proportion, I didn't bother asking them if I fainted yet, it was blatantly apparent to me what had taken place. Of course I had passed out, lost consciousness and here I was in an entirely different room as I began to look around. I heard and saw her face as I looked around to notice my surroundings, "You scared us, Melissa. You had us all scared. Are you alright?" she seemed terrified out of her mind; I wondered, "What exactly did they witness just now?" because I knew what horrible twisted sensations I experienced, had they seen the terrible demon that overtook my body just now? Was it as ugly a monster on the outside as I felt from within? I saved my breath and the questions for later, meanwhile, she searched for a SlimFast or something, anything to raise my glucose and blood pressure. I could hear the staff argue about what to feed me. The doctor's wife came in to see me and asked if I was alright, "I think I have to throw-up" trying to make my way off the exam-bed and to the bathroom, "It's okay," she replied as she reached for a waste bin, "you can use this. Don't worry, it's alright." They gave me a can of Arizona green tea and another medical assist brought me a bottled water. I sipped it carefully trying not to regurgitate it. They kept me in the exam room for some time, not releasing us until my blood pressure and glucose was raised. My doctor said, "If we release you now, you're just gonna pass out again in the parking lot." with a chuckle, "just wait til we get your levels up." He mentioned that I looked like I was having a seizure, that was bothersome and he asked me if I had any history of Epilepsy in the past. "No, I've never had seizures." I said, realizing that my fit was as horrid as I felt it to be. When I was washing my face in the ladies room, I saw my reflection in the mirror and it would be no exaggeration to say I looked half past dead, my lips were completely white, face pale like a ghost or a corpse with absolutely no pigmentation or color to speak of. What is worse, the med assists said that I had regained some color from when I lost consciousness. "You looked green. Now you're getting back some of your color." When I asked around later, "Did Krishna Chandra get scared? How did he react? Did I frighten him?" and they all told me how brave he had been, even carrying my shoes to the room for me. "He was so helpful and supportive, he said, 'My mommy is really tired, she needs some rest.' he wasn't scared at all. He was so brave." We left after a couple injections, when I was feeling better and strong enough to leave. Chandaneswar prabhu has been forcing me to drink Gatorade for the past day and a half to regain my fluids and electrolytes, monitoring my blood pressure and pulse regularly. Apparently, I can't be trusted with my own body.
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