Saturday, December 10, 2011

near death experience

Yesterday was a horrid horrid day, I thought I'd relax and enjoy my weekend but little did I know that a little pleasurable indulgence would lead me to the most violent panic attack accompanied by chills, racing high heart-rate and sheer terror. I was absolutely horrified and afraid for my life. I had no idea what was happening to me or why I was suddenly so sick. At first I simply thought that I must be dehydrated so I frenzied myself with consuming as much Gatorade as humanly possible. I could only speculate as to to the actual cause, blood pressure, low blood sugar possibly dehydration but that didn't explain why my heart rate was so unstable. One minute the meter couldn't even register a pulse and give an error message and after five minutes it seemed like I was fine, all numbers reading within normal range. Thinking about it only seemed to panic me more and I would oscillate between fits of terror and phobia and moments of absolute serene lucidity. I would calm myself, talking myself down by reason of simple fear and uncertainty. "You're just panicking, don't panic youself, relax, breathe, focus." I would calm my fear by sheltering myself with the Holy Name, "Gauranga. Nityananda. Hare Krishna. Rama. Chaitanya. Gaura Hari, Nitai please protect me." and fixing my breath on Omkara, then breathing slow, deep pranayam exercises. This seemed to really help and gain my clarity until I finally came out of this horror and gained complete lucidity. I don't think I'll ever experiment with anything especially if it has such an effect of violent episodes. 
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